“Maybe I Have Food Allergies Too?” (And Other Things People Say Right Before They Back Away Slowly with Cheese)
There’s a certain moment that happens more than you’d expect.
Someone’s mid-bite of something flaky, creamy, or suspiciously yellow-orange, and they glance over at my plate (usually a humble combo of rice, veggies, and survival).
“Wait... do you have food allergies?”
“Like, real ones?”
And suddenly, we’re off—on a magical conversational journey that starts with curiosity… and usually ends with them whispering “I could never give up pizza” like it’s a sacred vow.
Here are a few greatest hits:
1. “I get really tired after I eat bread. Is that a thing?”
It might be! Totally worth exploring! You could try cutting it out for a bit and seeing what changes.
🧠 Them: “Oh… like, no toast?”
(sets bread down, picks it up again, stares into middle distance)
2. “So wait, what do you even eat?”
Oh, you know—delightfully bland things. Rice. Chicken. Vegetables. The occasional joyful oat. I basically eat like a monk with a Pinterest board.
🧠 Them: “But like... no mac and cheese?”
(visibly mourning on my behalf)
3. “How did you figure all this out?”
Years of symptom journaling, trial and error, a few regrettable lasagnas, and a growing suspicion that food was, in fact, trying to kill me.
🧠 Them: “Oh wow. I just thought being bloated was part of adulthood.”
4. “Do you ever cheat?”
Not unless I want to see the inside of my eyelids for three days and question the meaning of existence.
🧠 Them: “I mean, I’d still risk it for queso.”
(deep nod of respect)
5. “So, like… no cheese at all?”
Correct. None. I’ve said my goodbyes. We’re on separate journeys now.
🧠 Them: shudders “I could never.”
6. “I think I might have something like that… but I don’t want to give up anything until I’m sure.”
Totally fair. Just maybe... don’t start your testing phase with a dairy-gluten-egg trifle.
🧠 Them: “Okay but I bought this really cute loaf of sourdough, sooo…”
7. “Isn’t that, like… exhausting?”
Oh yeah. But so is being unwell all the time. At least this exhaustion comes with snacks I can actually eat.
🧠 Them: “Hmm. I’ll think about it while I finish this danish.”
8. “So if I think I might have an issue, should I cut something out?”
You totally can! There are gentle ways to try it. Start small. Keep notes. And don’t worry—I’ll be here, cheering you on with my bowl of quinoa and tears.
🧠 Them: “I think I’ll just try drinking more water.”
(same, honestly)
9. “You’re so disciplined. I’d never survive.”
You’d be surprised what you can do when the alternative is… not ideal. Also: I definitely ate potato chips for dinner once. Let’s not call it discipline. Let’s call it vibes-based survival.
🧠 Them: “Yeah, I’ll probably just keep eating stuff and hoping for the best.”
(me, once upon a time)
